LwithaC

The Extremist, the Ocean, and Enough

I’m an extremist. I understand that now. I’m a perfectionist who thinks things (myself included) are either perfect or terrible, and if I’m not perfect than I must be shit. I am unlearning that dichotomy. As a student, I’d claim I failed an exam if I landed a C. I thought I wasn’t a goodContinue reading “The Extremist, the Ocean, and Enough”

Big Feelings, Bigger Picture

A year ago I took my girl to the park for the first time in over 200 days (206 to be precise, we were definitely counting). Now she’s back to Kindergarten after a couple days out with a sniffle and testing negative. We had a play date with Forever Friends. It was amazing to watchContinue reading “Big Feelings, Bigger Picture”

Becoming a Badass: Dysmorphia and Acceptance

I don’t recognize myself in the mirror. I almost always surprise myself. I must not remember or know what I look like. I remember the first time it happened, but I was in high school and I’d just dyed my hair. Bright, Angela Chase red. From a golden wheat brown that was neither a sunnyContinue reading “Becoming a Badass: Dysmorphia and Acceptance”

I am tired and Do Not Know Where the Halloween Decorations are.

I should be decorating for Halloween right now. I am usually decorating for Halloween by now. But I am not. I am tired and I do not know where the Halloween decorations are. I am tired and do not know where the Halloween decorations are because 569 days ago I came home from work andContinue reading “I am tired and Do Not Know Where the Halloween Decorations are.”

Relapse vs. Recovery

My beast draws her power from secrecy, she feeds off my shame.

Scale of Shit

Most people aren’t actually shitty. Most people are shitty-adjacent. Some people are not-so-shitty And a few people are not-shitty-at-all. We were told there were good people and bad people, shitty people and not-shitty people. Turns out… there are some of both but most are in between, influenced by their surroundings. Most people are just kindaContinue reading “Scale of Shit”

Hopefully Halfway

When I am 80 I hope to have a face covered in laugh lines and walls covered with pictures of people I love and adventures taken. When I am 70 I hope to have a strong heart and body so I can read to school children and walk dogs from the shelter. When I amContinue reading “Hopefully Halfway”

Forgotten/Remembered

I was on fire to write but couldn’t find the computer, by the time I did and logged on, the thoughts had evaporated. Too many passwords and distractions, too many side quests to stay focused. What did I come here to write? Seven months ago my world fell apart and I’ve been putting it backContinue reading “Forgotten/Remembered”

Week One

Notes from the field after three days of Kindergarten after 523 days without in-person learning. She’s 5 and she’s exhausted and exhilarated. She woke up and put on a tutu and her star shirt and started playing a math game. Then stares blankly into space. “Hi honey, you’ve had a big week.” Her response isContinue reading “Week One”

Stories

There are stories that I carry with me, some I proudly unfurl like a flag, a banner I’m thrilled to carry– stories of my grandmother, tales from my mom. Others I’ve stuffed down deep into my cells, hoping that the deeper I keep them, the less true they’ll become. Some I carry without even being aware thatContinue reading “Stories”