Tag Archives: grief

“Are you OK?” (No. Yes. Mostly?)

The past couple weeks have been a LOT. There’s been loss and grief and shock and perspective shifts. There’ve been so many adjustments, life almost feels fluid (which is pretty beautiful), and now it’s the end of May. The phrase “Are you okay?” always throws me off. I feel defensive and defective and completely unableContinue reading ““Are you OK?” (No. Yes. Mostly?)”

Saturday Morning in the Cosmic Blob

These are the days I need to write and yet I don’t.  Words and thoughts swirl around my mind so quickly I don’t even notice them, my fingers can’t keep up. Like florescent lights flickering too fast to be noticed except on a subliminal level, my thoughts storm my mind. I have nothing to say andContinue reading “Saturday Morning in the Cosmic Blob”

Notes to Self: Dear HS Freshman

Oh dear one, the world is large and the universe expanding. It’s beautiful and terrifying and comforting and overwhelming. And YOU ARE PART OF THAT. Part of the chaotic and magnificent cosmic blob. You are a creature of the multiverse. One of many. There is not a single thing wrong with you. There may beContinue reading “Notes to Self: Dear HS Freshman”

No dish breakfast

Sometimes I need a simpler breakfast. A really easy one. No dishes. Enter: TOAST!! Smear it with whatever you have on hand— peanut butter, cheese, smooshed banana, regular ass butter. Today I did avocado (and a sprinkle of Everything but the Bagel because I’m a little bit bougie). Because we gotta eat today. No matterContinue reading “No dish breakfast”

Gifts from Marge

I had the fine privilege of training and getting to know a wonderful woman in her 80’s named Marge. I started training her in our Exercise to Wellness program and when COVID hit, we took our training sessions first to Zoom, and then outdoors (once we’d both been vaccinated). A fascinating woman, who had facedContinue reading “Gifts from Marge”

Whispers of Autumn

It’s starting— the weather’s shifting, coughs are getting deeper, green is fading to gold, and I get to wear scarves. GAME ON. California catches a lot of flack for “not having seasons,” which we do, they’re just kinda chill about it. Nothing too extreme. (Until everything catches fire again but shhhh) Our neighbor’s tree isContinue reading “Whispers of Autumn”

Ancestors in Waiting

In our little kitchen nook I’ve created a family tree. Names and dates and photos with twinkle lights draped around. A little altar of sorts. Tonight, kidlette sat next to it, drinking her warm water before bed, and suddenly she burst into tears. “I will be so sad when you die! Who will take careContinue reading “Ancestors in Waiting”

Ready or Not, my story

CW: pregnancy loss, abortion January 6th, 7th, 8th, and 9th , 2021 were the worst days of my life so far. One of the things most friends don’t realize because we were all sheltering at home, is that I was pregnant in 2020. It was the one redeeming thing of an awful year. I coziedContinue reading “Ready or Not, my story”

Mosaics

Last year, at this time, I was still living in hope.  I was living with a promise, and  I hadn’t yet experienced the worst day of my life. (The worst day of your life so far… I have to add) #simpsons I thought Christmas would be harder than it turned out to be.  New Year, it turns out, isContinue reading “Mosaics”