Birthday Reflections

Yesterday I turned 41 (one more year until I’m the answer to the Universe and Everything!), and I had a really lovely day.

When I think about where I was last year at this time– unemployed and reeling from it, no feeling in half of my face, waiting for a brain scan and unsure of what would be ahead of us– I am so damn proud of where I am today.

Even though, to quote Barbie, I’m not President. No one on the Supreme Court is me… all those Great Expectations never got checked off. I haven’t invented anything or won any prestigious award. The world doesn’t know my name and every month I get creative paying off bills.

With all that said (and please don’t punch me), I have a pretty great life. I noticed that yesterday.

I took K to school and then went and worked for a few hours (it’s true! Ya girl found work!) then it was time to pick her up again. We got to FaceTime with the cousins and her super cool 12 year old cousin took the time to show off her Garbage Pail Kids collection (yeah, they’re BAAAAACK!)

Then we got to pop over to our friends’ house for a bit before getting all fancy and going out to dinner.

Also, explaining the concept of Gift Certificates to K was funny– she and her friend thought that was SUPER cool. 

Now, when I say fancy, I mean I put on my eyebrows. K however, went full out with pink satin gloves, pink sunglasses, and her white wolf dress. And was a HIT. Her “pleases” and “thank yous” came automatically, she ate mussels and flounder meunière and we each had a mock-tail. I was even able to share my up-until-now-useless knowledge about removing her gloves under the table. And not only did she do it, but the server noticed!

The servers were above and beyond– chatting about DogMan when they saw her book, offering her BOTH “smooth” water (what she calls still), AND bubble water. 

It was just NICE. To be together as a family– the three of us. Sitting next to my girl and across from the handsome Rhys, I realized what a lovely life we have.

This clever and precocious girl, with such zest and creativity. This kind and handsome man, who makes us all laugh and plays peekaboo with the baby at the next table. Our little family. Absolutely complete.

There have been so many times in my life where I felt incomplete, LACKING. Like I was behind, or missing something. And now, at 41, I can see how full my life is. Not earth shattering or documentary-worthy. Not historic or inspiring or monumental. But lovely. And full.

I finally felt like I was enough.

Even without a Nobel Peace Prize or even a regional nod. Even if nobody beyond my family remembers my name when I’m gone. 

Who knows how long this moment of peace and understanding will last. Knowing me and my ADHD, I’ll be back in the depths of despair in a moment (probably after checking my phone). (BTW, yesterday I left my phone on Do Not Disturb and it was a lovely little respite. Highly recommend). 

But for now, let me share this: Oh. Wait, actually, I don’t have anything wise or insightful to add. Just that I hope you can set aside the Great Expectations and see your life through a lens of contentment. Through a historical lens, maybe.

That on the cosmic calendar, it’s pretty damn cool to be living our lives right now. Yes, so much is broken. SO, SO MUCH. And– so much is wonderful. 

The sound of rain when you’re inside and cozy.
The smell of the earth after rain (mmm, petrichor)
A freshly brewed cup of coffee.
Multi-generational friendship.
Dogs.
Music.
Dancing.
Dress up.
Remembering to take my time.
The smell and feel of fancy soap.
My roses that are somehow blooming right now.
Creators who make art and stories.
The things that feel so fancy to a child.
A crisp cloth napkin. 
Drinking from a fancy glass.
Heated seats in the car.
Real mail.
Helping someone. 

So, now that I’m REALLY in my 40s and not merely 40… I hope to spend the next 40 years enjoying the little things. Slowing down enough to remember the magic of someone grinding pepper onto your salad FOR you. 

I hope you find some simple magic in your day today. 

You are loved, by me and others. And you are ENOUGH, as you are. Even if you’ve never been to space.

xox.
(Remember to hydrate and moisturize)