I’ve resisted this for years. I’ve resisted this for officially a DECADE now.
And now I’m giving in.
FINE. I’ll write about fucking fitness.
“WHOA?” You may wonder, “Why such hostility?”
Because the diet and exercise industries are so… fraught with dangerous messaging.
Because capitalistic systems have made BILLIONS off our insecurities while making us sicker and then shaming us for not being skinny.
Because American medicine misses the mark nearly every single time.
Because I’ve been at war with myself since I was twelve years old and it makes me FURIOUS.
And then I think… if by sharing some of my rage, experience, confusion, and hard learned lessons, maybe I can help one person avoid some of that pain, frustration, and shame
So FINE.
Please know that my hostility is aimed at our culture, not at you, dear, sweet reader.
I’m angry because we’ve lived our whole lives in our bodies and nobody taught us how they work. I’m angry because what they taught us what how our bodies SHOULD LOOK. Not what they do, or how they work, but HOW THEY ARE WRONG.
I’m here to tell you, your body is not wrong.
There is not one damn thing wrong with your body.
Let’s go over that again, I think it’s worth repeating.
THERE IS NOT. ONE DAMN THING. WRONG. WITH YOUR BODY.
I have to remind myself of that over and over and over because we are told over and over and over that our bodies are wrong and they need to be fixed.
Listen, my body has it’s stuff. My neck injury still reverberates in my body. Auto-immune diseases have confused TF out of my body. There are disabilities and diseases and disorders that live in my very cells.
This makes my body HUMAN. This does not make my body BROKEN. Even though it can feel like that. ** SIDE BAR for my Zebras
For the Zebras:
Being disabled and chronically ill is a reality that I won’t attempt to sugar coat. Y’all know. I know. It’s really hard to live in a rebellious body. In a defiant body. One that doesn’t obey commands. We may have components that don’t work in the way they are expected. That is true, it’s a reality. But a dysfunctional pancreas doesn’t mean that YOU are broken. A confused immune system is just that—one part. Our experiences will be different but I want you to know that I know your body is not wrong.**
Every body is different. I won’t speak for your experience but this has been mine—I’ve seen my body as “other” for most of my life.
In adolescence my body no longer felt like ME, I started to move out of my body and more into my mind.
My body became this battle ground—this enemy that I couldn’t control. It grew when I didn’t want it to and I started my campaign of cruelty.
Like two athletes who fail to recognize they are also teammates, I pitted myself against my body. Mind over matter, intellect over instinct. Mantras were repeated over and over, as if I could overpower my human needs by being smart enough.
By figuring out how to live with less, how to make as little of myself as possible, I thought I would WIN. I would beat my body and be victorious over my flesh prison.
And I stayed locked in battle for the next 20+ years.
So yeah, I’m mad. Because I bought every damn “Fitness” book and magazine they made from the 1990’s until a few years ago. And I stayed deeply in my eating disorder and exercise disorder while getting sicker and sicker and the advice I kept receiving was that I was lazy or stupid or doing it wrong.
So. Lesson one is a three parter. Let’s be clear:
- There’s nothing wrong with your body.
- You are not lazy.
- You are not stupid.
Lesson One can and should be repeated often. ❤
Pretty Good Ugly 