Rough few days/What I’d Tell My Daughter

It’s been a rough few days. And I’m proud of myself.

I haven’t succumbed to the sinkhole of self-pity (though I’ve certainly dipped my toe into the pond of self-righteousness). I’m able, for now, to maintain perspective. And that is new.

In my process of breaking out of the binary, I’m beginning to recognize more shades of grey- more nuance and context— which grants me freedom; it gives me space for grace.

Not that I’ve been all that graceful or gracious. I’ve been awkward and vindictive, but I’m learning to hold space for that. I’m holding space for my messy imperfect humanity.

And desperately trying to remember that we’re all messy humans. And that most people are mostly good.

Recently I was wronged. I was misrepresented and it was quite a blow. Im trying to let it go, as it’s one of the Things-I-Can’t-Change, but that is proving difficult.

I tell myself “This is a reflection of them, not you. Remember who you are. Trust yourself.” And I need the constant reminder.

I even reached out (WHAT?!? I know).

But before we give me too much credit, know that it could also be described as “VagueBooking” or “fishing.”

But I did it and I’m glad I did. I asked my network to let me know if I’d ever been helpful to them because I was having a shit day and also would appreciate animal pix.

And Y’ALL. My vulnerability and honesty paid off. Folks from all areas of my life (and all its iterations) chimed in and made me feel so SEEN and VALUED and LOVED.

It reminded me that I have value and purpose beyond just that shit day. That my yesterdays meant something and that tomorrow I could help someone too.

One shit day is one shit day and it’s not that it doesn’t suck (IT DOES… omg it really does), but one day is not my life. One day, however shitty, will not define me.

The ripple effect of the shit day will still be significant, but it doesn’t wash out all the other goodness we’ve created.

Also, I did something. And I highly recommend it. I was so lost and upset and I didn’t want to talk to ANYONE about it.

So I wrote a letter. As if I were writing to my daughter who’d had a day like mine.

I’ve read it several times since, and it helps.

So while I hope you never need this, I’m still leaving it here, in case anyone makes you feel unvalued.

What I’d Tell My Daughter

“I am so sorry. This is unfair. The people who don’t appreciate you, who see you through a skewed filter, are really missing out.

Being sensitive, tender, different, gives you insights that others lack. These insights allow you to notice things that others miss. It can be really hard to walk through this life feeling and seeing what others miss.

The difficulty does not mean you are doing anything wrong. You are not broken.

I realize this does not remove the pain.

I see you and I value you.”

I’ll pull a Lion King and echo this— “remember who you are.”

And I’ll add this— “if you need help remembering who you are, ask your people how you’ve helped.”

Their recollections will reflect your nature. Your actions will remind you.

And if that’s not available, do one thing tomorrow. Help one person. Each day is a brand new day and thankfully they only last 24 hours.

Breathe through your day. You are loved by me and others. Time for some water, I’m thirsty.

Xox