Post-It Sized Cage

For over a year I’ve had a post-it with various weight ranges and categories listed.  As a reminder.  A post-it sized cage.

I’ve spun some pretty spectacular bullshit to justify its existence: That the range helps me from focusing on a single number, that it helps me keep perspective, that it keeps me accountable, that it prevents me from continuing to move my weight goal lower and lower.

And while some of that could be partially true, the underlying point is, that post-it controlled my sense of self-worth.  

I needed reassurance that things were “Okay” and I thought that being in the Fit category would mean that things were okay…. Spoiler alert— THAT’S NOT HOW IT WORKS.

So today… I ripped up the goddamned post it.  I’ll admit, I took a picture of it first.  I felt like it needed to be… memorialized?  Who knows, maybe that’s more bullshit.  Maybe that’s my disease morphing to escape detection.

At the end of it all, I don’t want to externalize my self-worth.

Because the moment I have to PROVE that I’m worthy, I’ve bought into the assumption that I wasn’t in the first place. And that’s the real bullshit.

WE ARE WORTHY BECAUSE WE ARE. Cut and print.

Be gentle with yourself. You are loved by me and others.