Recently I’ve been reminded of the importance of boundaries. I’ve never been great at healthy boundaries, I either lock people out completely and provide a curated character to interact with the world, or I fire hydrant blast all my thoughts everywhere.
Over the past few years I’ve gotten better at being less performative, I’ve integrated more my hard learned lessons into my daily life, and I’m learning to trust more.
Unfortunately, old habits hold on tight, and I trusted someone who hadn’t earned it. I was so hopeful, so excited, that I over-served grace and over-shared my experiences, which were then weaponized against me.
And now I have to check myself– I pause to verify my intention.
What I learned (again), and what I’d like to share with you, is the importance of trusting ourselves and the power of a pause.
How many times have we over-ridden our own instincts because we thought we were being silly? I’ve certainly talked myself out of my Knowing, doubting my own read on things, convincing myself that I’m being dramatic or judgmental or over-protective.
What I forget, in these moments, is my cellular wisdom. I forget that my bones know things my brain will deny. I forget that sometimes what I want (a thing, a person, a connection), is not always wise, and is not always what I need.
And, in case you’ve forgotten too, it’s okay to NEED THINGS. It’s also okay to want things, even if we should not HAVE those things. It doesn’t mean you’re broken, it means you’re human. We all want things that it would not be wise to actually have– jet packs, pet tigers, a motorcycle, sequined pants (they’re fabulous but they are NOT practical, trust me).
Knowing that something isn’t wise or healthy doesn’t necessarily remove the want, and this is where the power of a pause can come into play.
Often, I charge through my wants into denial, refusing to even acknowledge what I want. Other times, I blast from a want to a get, following that impulse before verifying that it’s true. Sometimes this is a harmless, silly purchase. But sometimes it’s more than that.
I can be in such a hurry to reach “OKAY” that I don’t allow time for healing. If someone has hurt me, I can quickly say “it’s fine,” without taking the time to MAKE it fine, and then it gets worse, and I’m responsible for my role in that.
So whether it’s getting bangs, or reconnecting with someone who has hurt you, take that pause. “Is this really what I want? Or am I trying to prove something?” “Is this smart or is this easy?” And it’s okay to not have the answer. Sit in that wondering for a bit. Because once something is shared, once something is cut, it’s… done. The toothpaste doesn’t go back into the tube. Your hair will grow back but that will take some time.
In our comment-happy culture, it’s easy to get caught up in the reactionary loop. I certainly do and it’s gotten me into some trouble. I’m learning (again), the importance of taking a breath, of not responding right away, of not feeding into the whirlpool of nonsense swirling around us all.
And if forgiveness is divine, then it’s also sacred. Rushing through the process cheapens the whole thing. Healing, like growth, happens on its own schedule and cannot be hurried. Regardless of my wants, life will unfold on its own schedule and if we try to expedite it, we run the risk of being the child who “helps” the butterfly out of the cocoon, dooming it to a flightless life.
Pretty Good Ugly 