Last night, my daughter asked me how to get a flat tummy, and she sucked her little belly in.
“I want it flat, I don’t want it fat, like this” and she exhaled her tummy back out.
She’s six.
I know I’ve been pulled back into my eating disorder but I thought I was keeping it compartmentalized enough to keep her safe.
I know toxic diet culture is everywhere and kids are super perceptive, especially mine, see “A Child Who Notices” here https://prettygoodugly.com/2021/11/16/a-child-who-notices/
But, I thought we’d have more time. She’s in Kindergarten.
I tried to keep it neutral, I asked her if kids are school were talking about bodies.
She said yeah, that L____, was saying that ___ was small
I told her her that some bodies are fat and some are muscular and some are skinny. Every body is different and it’s pretty rude to comment on someone’s body.
I said maybe someone was making L___ feel badly about his body, which is sad.
What I really wanted to say was THE FUCK.
I remember dieting in 2nd grade. All the women in my life were dieting so I wanted to too, I thought that was what it meant to be to be a woman.
I’d hoped to spare her the same ugliness. I thought that throwing away my scale would liberate us both.
I was wrong. And I’m shattered. And furious.
Fuck diet culture.
Pretty Good Ugly 