When I was a child, I loved to read. I would read ANYTHING in front of me—books, newspapers, magazines, nutritional labels, street signs, bumper stickers, if it had words on it, I would be reading it out loud.
One day, after singing a brilliant rendition of “Fire Lane, No Parking!” I was rather proud when I memorized a rhyming bumper sticker I saw. “Be a hero, save a whale,” I sang, “Save a baby, go to jail.”
“WHAT did you just say?” My mother demanded, not amused in the least.
I repeated myself.
“Where on earth did you hear that?”
“I read it on a bumper sticker.”
“Do you know what it means?” I obviously didn’t.
I think I was in 3rd grade, I may have been a little older.
My amazing mother explained in a way I understood, that it’s not always safe for a woman to stay pregnant and have a baby. And that there are doctors who treat those women by performing abortions. And that those doctors are often targeted and sometimes killed.
The bumper sticker I’d so proudly memorized, celebrated the murders of those doctors. She told me we were always just one vote away from losing those doctors, from losing that access. As I grew up, I came to understand more and more what she’d told me, though the “one vote away from losing it all” seemed a bit melodramatic. Until it didn’t.
I came of age in a time where I received birth control pills before I became sexually active. I received a fairly comprehensive sexual education in both elementary school, middle school and high school. There were flaws, of course, and huge gaps, but I received more than “sex is for marriage, it’s bad if you do it before, so don’t or you’ll die.” Which I realized, as I grew, was not a universal education. I knew that condoms failed but helped a lot, that there was no such thing as “safe sex” only “safer sex,” so the pill for contraception and a condom against disease was knowledge I had, though had not needed, as I headed to college.
As a senior millennial, I grew up with knowledge of HIV and AIDS. It was no mystery, it had always existed within my lifetime. Sex could be deadly, so it was something to have only with someone who felt absolutely safe with. Someone you could trust, someone who’d get tested, someone who’d respect your ‘not yet,’ someone who’d hear your “no.” I’ve learned again, this was not universally taught.
As a white Californian, I’ve had access to Planned Parenthood my whole life, and when I needed care, they were there for me.
As a mother, I look at my daughter, I remember the nurse at Planned Parenthood telling me that when I wanted to stop taking my birth control I should start taking prenatal vitamins. Advice I’d never heard before, advice that came in handy.
My mom was right (oh how many times have I said these words), we were one vote away. And here we are. And I’m just trying to write things down so that one day I can remember what we had. So I can tell my girl what was true, before the revisionists rewrite it all, while I can remember what we believed. In the Before. In my bubble. When I thought my mom was over reacting. When I couldn’t imagine a world where my daughter would have fewer rights and less access that I had. That the trajectory of our line would turn so dramatically—my grandmother, born before all women could vote, fired from her teaching position for being married; to my mother, born before women could have their own line of credit, fired for being pregnant, to me, who has been represented by to women Senators since I was in elementary school, who got 12 weeks partially paid leave after having my daughter, who campaigned for a woman Presidential candidate multiple times, before—-
A transnational crime syndicate masquerading as a government took over
Children were intentionally separated from their families at the border
A(nother) rapist was appointed to the Supreme Court
White supremacists committed multiple mass shootings
Police officers teargassed protesters
Unidentified paramilitary troops took civilians off the streets
45 teargassed a crowd in front of a church for a photo op
A global pandemic closed down our schools
Science denial cost hundreds of thousands of lives
Economic misogyny forced over 860,000 women out of public life.
Before.
And I know my Before was a lot nicer and more recent than for a lot of folks. My Before was still pretty messed up, but compared to now? I’ll TAKE it. Give me my long, impossible days and silly frivolities, my casual interactions, the people I never really noticed that I saw, our thumbprints on each other’s worlds.
Today is October 27, 2020. My kid attends Transitional-Kindergarten on Zoom. Amy Coney Barrett was confirmed last night. I haven’t thrown up in days and that’s pretty amazing. This morning I walked past three “40 Days of Life” protesters in front of Planned Parenthood. They were spaced so that it was impossible to get by without coming within 6 feet of them. Two were unmasked.
“Jesus isn’t impressed.” I told the unmasked old man in his lawn chair, and didn’t linger to hear his response. But I’ve been thinking about that bumper sticker all day.
Pretty Good Ugly 